What My Mother Taught Me!

submitted by

Nanette Heintzelman (Wells)

from an unknown E-Mail pass-around

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
‘If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.’
M
My mother taught me RELIGION.
‘You better pray that will come out of the carpet.’
M
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
‘If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle
of next week!’
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My mother taught me LOGIC .
‘ Because I said so, that’s why.’
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My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
‘If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the
store with me.’
M
My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
‘Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.’
M
My mother taught me IRONY.
‘Keep crying and I’ll give you something to cry about.’
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My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
‘Shut your mouth and eat your supper.’

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
‘Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!’

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My mother taught me about STAMINA.
‘You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.’
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My mother taught me about WEATHER .
‘This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.’
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My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
‘If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times.  Don’t exaggerate!’

My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.’

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

‘Stop acting like your father!’

My mother taught me about ENVY .

‘There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have

wonderful parents like you do.’

My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

‘Just wait until we get home.’
M
My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
‘You are going to get it when you get home!’
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My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
‘If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.’
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My mother taught me ESP.
‘Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?’

My mother taught me HUMOR.

When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.’

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My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
‘If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.’
M
My mother taught me GENETICS.
‘You’re just like your father.’
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My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
‘Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?’

My mother taught me WISDOM .
‘When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.’

And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.

‘One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you

They did!!!!